Wednesday, March 28, 2012

In My Opinion, Everyone Thinks You're an Idiot

There are certain types of people I hate. And, as an author, and as a human being, I know that stereotypes aren't 100% accurate. People just can't be fit into tiny boxes and labeled. People need many boxes and many labels, and sometimes, many different colors of labels.

That being said, here are a few types of people that make my skin crawl:

1. The Good Guy- The kind of guy that is always there for you, when he doesn't have something else better to do. He's kind and considerate, when time allows. He's even a dotting boyfriend, if he's getting something out of it. He wishes you well and wishes there was something he could do to make you feel better, but you just really wish he would shut up. For a while, The Good Guy may fool you into thinking he is the perfect man. But when you realize that The Good Guy is really full of shit, every time he smiles and hopes you feel better, you  want to smash his face into the sidewalk.

2. The Ritualist- I am all for good hygiene, but there are some people that take it a little too far. They bleach the color out of their hair, only to add in six shades of blonde that no one would ever think could be natural. They tan their skin, wax off every ounce of body hair, and feel terrible if they don't run their six miles before dashing to spin class. These are the kind of people that really could be beautiful, if they weren't so busy trying to make themselves into someone else. It's sad and annoying all at the same time.

3. The Competitor- "Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you. " The people who take competition to a pathological level. They are smarter than you, better dressed than you, much sexier, and they live their lives with stunning accuracy and style. It doesn't matter what you do, they have thought of it first, done it better, and claimed a spot in the record books for the rest of eternity. They are also exceedingly accomplished at being the biggest ass at every conference table.

4. The Fine Fibber- The girl who is always "fine." Nothing is ever wrong. Nothing could touch her perky attitude and dazzling smile. She is the kind of person who remains upbeat in a crisis, and heals with love. She is also the person you know will someday snap and kill everyone within a hundred foot radius.

5. The Silver Spoon- The one who has it all. All the friends, all the money, all the class. They are intelligent, beautiful, musically inclined, and a champion of athletics. They conquer any hurdle set before them, and celebrate with a little world travel. You secretly know that there is no way their life could be that perfect, but you wouldn't mind if they took a spill down the staircase anyway.

That's all that immediately came to mind. I use these people in my writing, because I see them in real life. Though, sometimes, I wish I didn't.


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Walking Crooked Lines

Time lines, that is. 
Do your stories ever get the best of you? Every once in a while, I stop to think about my novels and wonder how I, the author, could have absolutely NO freaking idea what's going on.
But I don't.
Today it had to do with ages. It shouldn't be complicated, right? A lot of novels don't fully describe characters, and sometimes never comment on the narrator at all. So, you wouldn't think this would be a big issue. But I must make everything way more difficult than it needs to be. And I'm not talking head-scratching confusion, here. I'm talking major WTF moments.
The series that I'm working on now has three main races: the Dari, the Albion, and the Ushi. And they all age differently, for a variety of reasons. The Dari age like humans do, 1:1. The Albion age 7:1. So, every seven years, they look like they've aged one year. The Ushi are 10:1. And really, that isn't that complicated. You just take the age someone looks and multiply it by seven and there you go. That's their age. 
But here's where it gets tricky. There are four books in the series, and they don't take place one right after the other. They actually stretch over two decades. And not in equal intervals, either. We've got twelve years here, four years there, six months in between this and this. That's not counting how much time passes in the actual novel, which could be anywhere from two weeks to a year or more.
Do you see my problem?
It's a clusterfuck. 
But it makes for good reading.
And I guess that's all that really matters, eh?

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Falling From the Sky Like a Blazing Lizard

I don't condone lighting lizards on fire and throwing them in the air, but I hear the weather gets pretty hot down in San Antonio, Texas, so I figured it wasn't impossible for it to happen naturally (and therefore without being arrested).

Speaking of San Antonio... (in my totally graceful, not-at-all obvious segway) I want to give a shout out to Cyrus Keith. He is the well-deserving winner of the 2012 EPIC ebook award for best thriller for his first novel, Becoming NADIA. His first two books of the NADIA Project series are available through MuseItUp Publishing. You can find more info on his work here. You can also see his Blogger page here. And if you want to keep up with his daily antics, feel free to check out is Facebook page.

He's new on the publishing scene and full of surprises. I can't wait to see what he comes up with next.

Great job, Cyrus. Keep it up!