Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Let it Rain

The dry spell has lifted. I wrote today!

Not too much, mind you, but enough to get excited. And not only only did I write, but I worked on my novel, Bleed, so I'm not in the doghouse anymore. Things still aren't back to normal, but I've apologized and dedicated quality time, which usually gets us back on speaking terms.

I wrote a chapter and a half. In that chapter and a half, I did something horrible to most of my characters.

I'm back! :)


Thursday, August 25, 2011

Please Send Flowers

My novel and I aren't speaking at the moment. It's my fault. I admit it. But there were these circumstances, and, well, things just kind of got out of hand.

We're sleeping in separate rooms.

I try not to think about it. I stay away from the things that remind me of all the good times we had together. I try not to imagine what could have been. I know we can fix it, but that takes time. It takes energy. More energy than I have to spare right now.

I'm sorry, Novel. I'm sorry I neglected you. I'm sorry I haven't put any time into our relationship in the last six weeks. I'm sorry I haven't given you the attention you deserve. There's no one else, I swear. I've just been busy with work and doctors and family. I'll get back to you soon. We'll go away somewhere, just the two of us, and spend some quality time getting reacquainted. You'll see. It will be magical. We may even spawn a sequel.

Until then, you have my apologies.

Please don't give up on us.


Sunday, August 14, 2011

The Final Countdown

It's Sunday. Do you know that that means? That means that tomorrow is Monday, and Monday ends my so-called vacation.

This depresses me for a number of reasons. One, because it's work, and who hasn't been depressed about returning to work at the end of the weekend at some point or another? Two, because I did not work on Bleed at all this week, as my last post said I intended to do. But I did start a new story, under rather trying circumstances. I'm writing it by hand, which is something I haven't done since I was in grade school. It's a change, but not a bad one. I was able to take my notebook to the duck pond and to a restaurant after and just scribble away while I ate my onion rings. It was lovely. But I wish I could do more of it.

A week away from work has brought a few things to light; the most important being that I think I'm in the wrong profession. I know that the vast majority of writers need a day job, but at the moment, I have a day job which prevents me from writing most of the time. There is the precious spare moment when things are quiet enough for me to write through lunch, but not usually. And by the time I get home, I'm exhausted. The weekend is spent doing everything I couldn't fit in after my late hours at the office, so I seldom accomplish anything literary then.

Unfortunately, I live in the real world, where up and quitting your job with no replacement to become, quite literally, a starving artist, isn't the greatest idea. I wouldn't say that it's not an option, but it's certainly not a good idea.

On the other hand, it's a perfect idea. I can see myself with my notebook tucked into the corner of a coffee shop, writing away. And I suppose that any level-headed person could reason that I can do that now. That I need more discipline. That I need to be more determined. But it's difficult to force creativity when you feel like your job is sucking you dry.

I know I'm not the only person to feel this. I know that it's fairly common for people to feel "burned out" by their everyday life. But I'm in a position to change that. It might not be the smart thing to do, but I can do it. Maybe I'll be happier. Maybe I'll be miserable. Maybe I'll never accomplish anything or never get back into the administrative world again.

But I might just be willing to take that risk.


Friday, August 5, 2011

And the Winner Is...


That's right. I'm officially one of those super lucky individuals with recurrent mono. I'm so excited. Okay, well, not really excited, but I get a week off (more for my sanity than my illness, as the doctor thinks I'll be fine to go back to work Tuesday), so I won't have to venture into the office until August 15th. I haven't had a vacation since Christmas.

Right now I'm sleeping a lot, but I expect to be climbing the walls within seventy-two hours. I'm not very good at "taking a break". I don't do well with resting. Though, I do have a lot of missed episodes of my favorite shows to catch up on.

Sick or no, I hope I'll be able to get some work done on Bleed in the next week. I don't have to go all mad scientist and blow through 15k in a week (but how awesome would that be?), but I think I'll be a little disappointed if I go back to work without accomplishing anything.

But I must remember: sleep first, work (even writing type work) later.

We'll see how long it takes for me to throw that rule out the window....


Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Sleepy Time Masterpiece

August seems to be following July in the respect that I'm writing, but not on any sort of a schedule. Last month I set a goal to write ten thousand words in thirty-ish days. I succeeded. This month I think I'll do the same. If I keep that up, Bleed might actually be finished before the cold weather sets in. Then again, if I'm home next week, I might get a head start.

I thought about writing today (more that I knew it wasn't going to happen), but I spent a good portion of the afternoon at the doctor's office. I lost a fair amount of blood in the name of science, but there will hopefully be a diagnosis sometime tomorrow. Recurrent mono is still in the lead, with a possibility of hypothyroidism. Oh, and it looks like I have chronic hypertension. You know, just to make things more interesting.

Depending on how the tests come out, I've decided to take a week off work to rest up. I didn't the last time I had mono, and it didn't work out so well for me. So, there may be writing. There will certainly be sleeping. If I can somehow manage to write in my sleep, my problems will be solved.

Unless my sociopathic tendencies come out in my sleep. That might not be so good for my characters.....