Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Holey Shit

Do you ever feel like you're trying to dig yourself out of a hole with a spoon? You're six feet under and all you have is your determination and a crappy tool. You look up and see a mountain of dirt and a tiny pinprick of light. And you have to ask yourself, "How the HELL am I going to get out of here?"

I don't know. I haven't figured it out yet.

I'm sure there are better metaphors for what I'm currently experiencing, but that's what I've got at the moment. I'm not getting any points for creativity, but it's something people can relate to. Well, I hope it's something people can relate to. I'm having problems communicating at the moment.

I've become the villain in someone's story. I know that I can't really control that. People have their own opinions and their own views and their own way of dealing with things. But I'm having a hard time dealing with this fact because I am, at heart, a writer. I write people's endings. I shape worlds. And while things aren't always pretty and perfect, I know that it's all going to work out in the end, because I'm not mean enough to deny even the worst characters resolution. I wish it worked like that in real life.

I'm generally not a mean person. And I've never had a problem communicating. I can communicate until I'm blue in the face. In the past, this was enough. Making my point was enough. What the other person did with that information was up to them. But for some reason, I'm not finding it enough anymore.

I've never wanted so badly for someone to understand my side of things. For them to agree with me. I don't want to be the bad guy. I don't want for things to crumble over a difference in opinion. I want to come to some sort of understanding and to have things work themselves out. But no matter how much I bend my expectations or compromise, the other party doesn't seem willing to do the same. And what are you supposed to do when you're bending over backwards and the other person won't budge?

Let it go.

I know I should let it go. But I'm not a mean person. I don't want to be the villain in their story. I'm even willing to remove myself from their story if necessary, just so long as I'm not the reason it all went wrong.

But real life isn't as easy as writing. And writing is hard.

Who the hell came up with that story?