Friday, May 20, 2011

Comedic Interlude

So, I haven't posted much this week. To make up for it (or perhaps I'm just being lazy) I'm going to share an excerpt from my current labor of love, a revision of the novel Runaway, which is a sequel to Chosen, the novel I posted a bit from last time. This piece once again features Jaden and Thor, best friends and trouble makers. 
This piece takes place in a cell, where the two buds are being held captive and slowly starving to death. I know that sounds depressing, but it really isn't. At least, they still manage to find a little humor in it.
“Hey, Jay-Jay?” Thor said, breaking the silence.
“I have to piss.”
Jaden scoffed somewhere beyond his line of vision. “Congratulations.”
“No, I mean I have to piss.”
“So, piss.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I can’t get up.”
“Have you tried?”
Thor ignored the condescending tone in his friend’s voice. “Of course I’ve tried.”
“Well, what do you want me to do about it?”
“Help how?”
“Thor, I’m not helping you take a piss.”
“If I was drunk, you’d do it.”
“If you were drunk, you’d already have wet pants.”
“Jay-Jay,” he whined.
“I hate it when you do that with your voice.”
“I need you to help.” Thor hoped his tone expressed complete desperation. He didn’t feel far from it.
“Oh, fine.” Thor heard Jaden grunt several times as he got up from his own pile of dirty hay. His dirt-streaked face appeared above him moments later. “You’re such a baby,” he said, taking hold of Thor’s bony arm.
Thor tried not to look at the skin stretched too tightly over his limbs. “We have to get out of here.”
“What are we going to do?” Jaden asked, supporting his friend as they shuffled toward the stinking bucket in the corner. “Make a break for it?”
“The thought crossed my mind.”
“You can’t even take a piss on your own. How the hell are you going to run for your life?”
Thor’s breathing was already labored and they weren’t quite halfway across the cell yet. “I’ll ride piggyback.”
“On who?”
“On you.”
“Ha. We’ll never make it out.”
“I have faith in you, Jay-Jay.”
“That’s wonderful, but you better be able to take care of business once we make it to that bucket.”
“I’m not that tired.”
“I never know with you, man. Sometimes you make me wonder if all those accidental nude sightings were really accidental.”
Thor pushed him away. “That’s it. I’m peeing on my own from now on.”
Jaden laughed. “You’re such a drama queen.”
“Yeah, yeah, turn around, buddy,” Thor said as he approached the bucket. “No free shows for you.”
Jaden obliged.
“Ahh,” Thor sighed as he finished. “Much better.”
“Don’t forget to shake.”
“I got it, thanks.”
“Just making sure.”
Thor ensured that all things were tucked in their proper places before turning around. He wrapped an arm around Jaden. “We need to get out of here.”
Jaden crinkled up his nose. “You didn’t wash your hands.”
“What do you think this is? A luxury hotel?”
“Well, you don’t have to touch me.”
Thor rubbed his hands up and down Jaden’s arms.
The dark-haired man jumped back, shrieking in disgust.
Thor roared with laughter. “Oh,” he said, wiping his eyes. “That was priceless.”
“That was disgusting,” Jaden said, trying to wipe off the germs.
“I so needed that.”
“Glad I could help.”
“Oh, Jay-Jay,” he said with a happy sigh, “You make me want to love you, man.”
“All right,” Jaden said, rolling down his shirt sleeves as if to ward off future attacks, “But next time you have to buy me dinner first.”

Did you smile just a little? 

- Liz